Beauty in the Ashes

I had to deliver some bitter news to my little boy yesterday. What followed is an unfading portrait in my heart of bravery, courage, and love.

I had told Trystan the day before that our ancient kitty, Jynxie, was going to be going to heaven soon. Recently a family friend's pet had passed on and Trystan was absolutely devastated that he did not get to say goodbye, so I felt that he really needed that this time. Jynxie did not appear to be in any pain, but was beyond tired in her frail old body, so we kept her comfortable with heat packs and towels and quiet, and Trystan unselfishly spent alot of time just sitting and holding her, petting her, grieving her coming passing, and remembering the stories I've told him about when she was young ( long before he was ever born!). Isaac checked on her, too, but his relationship with this ancient feline is not the same as Trystan's . He checked on her hourly and sometimes more often than that. Sometimes I had to convince him to go play video games to get his mind otherwise occupied.

She passed yesterday. I was at the store, and Trystan told Jeff that Jynxie was by the door and he had been petting her again, and when he went to check on her he found that she was gone. She either died while he was petting her, or right after he walked out of the room. Jeff moved her and called me and I rushed home, and as I was walking in the door, here he comes, eyes wide and starting to panic just a little bit saying "I can't find Jynxie, where is she? I can't find Jynxie, she's gone!" and I dropped my bags and scooped him up and told him.............


Of course he cried, and railed, and said that when he got to heaven he was going to punch Adam and Eve in the face, because it was all their fault about the apple, and he would never forgive them. He even said he wanted to die, too, because Belle is in heaven, and now Jynxie, and he wanted to be with them..........This I expected. But the next part I did not.

The boys came outside to help us find the perfect resting spot for her. By the rosebush, right between the crepe myrtles, and after Jeff had dug the bed I began seeing how big this different thing in him is.

He was so insistent upon seeing her again, so much so that I knew if we didn't allow it he would dig her up when we weren't looking to say goodbye again. Jeff shepherded the boys through this and Isaac was done - he wanted to go inside. He needed to grieve quietly, and he didn't want anything to do with the next part. I really didn't either!

I was quietly praying that the Lord would not allow this to scar his heart, but to heal it instead, and to do a new thing through it. I couldn't understand how, but I knew God could.

Trystan told his Dad that he wanted to put her in the ground. My heart just flipped over in my chest. I wish you could have seen his face. His little nose and cheeks red from the cold and from tears, the wind tangling up his hair, his eyes, dry and calm, determined, dignified, and a little less innocent.

The hole was just too deep, so Daddy helped him lower her into her bed. I will never forget that scene. A boy with a heart so big that it is utterly unflinching in the face of death.


That is the heart of a warrior.